Writings
The Losses of Our Lives
The Sacred Gifts of Renewal in Everyday Loss
Author: Dr Nancy Copeland-Payton
Who has not been touched by loss? This book invites us awaken to life’s endless stream of immeasurable gifts … and our experience of loss at their passing. To embrace the wisdom taught to us in our everyday losses can bring us closer to the deep mystery of God and the nature of living. Such wisdom can help sustain us on journeys through life’s more painful losses.
“When we intentionally enter into our everyday walk through small losses, the terrain of larger losses, the valley of the shadow of death, is not totally unknown. It is not completely unfamiliar, alien, terrifying, for we have walked some of this way before with our lesser losses. We can journey through this valley of loss, for journey through it we must. And we can emerge markedly changed, but alive, on the other side.”
Written for those experiencing loss and those accompanying them, this poignant and practical book shows us how to be attentive to the unceasing rhythm of gift and loss. It explores this arc of gift and loss beginning with our birth and growing up, takes us through mid-age, and ends with our own dying. Weaving spiritual and classical themes, powerful personal and scriptural stories, we are invited to venture deeper into our own losses through practical exercises drawn from the world’s major faith traditions.
Praise for the book:
“Captures beautifully the paradox that the losses of our lives can become our gains. By weaving story, experience and faith … shows how our deepest hurts may be the soil that nurtures the seeds of our transformation.”
Sr Clarissa Goeckner, prioress, Monastery of St Gertrude
“An extraordinary and wise guide in the treacherous terrain of loss.”
Rabbi Dayle A. Friedman, author, Jewish Visions for Aging
“This beautifully written and deeply pastoral book touched my soul as the stories melded with my stories to explore ever more deeply the fabric of gift and loss in our lives. To everyone who deals with losses – and that’s all of us – I highly recommend it.”
Rev Clifton Kirkpatrick, president
World Alliance of Reformed Churches
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Latest Writings from Nancy
Empty Tea Cups (published in Horizons Magazine, Jan-Feb 2010)
A student visits a spiritual master. They sit together and the student begins to talk. And talk and talk. Two empty cups sit on the table for tea. The master slowly pours amber liquid into the student’s cup. When the cup is full, the master continues to pour as tea brims the cup and flows onto the table. “Stop!” shouts the student, “The cup is full and cannot take anymore.” The master pauses and gently sets down the teapot. “So it is with you. How can you receive anything when you are already full to overflowing with other things?”
What fills us? What fills our lives?
An unflinching look at our calendar or daily planner is a telling record of where we center our lives. What really fills us is revealed by how we spend the minutes and hours of each day.
If we are mindful, this exterior structure for our lives can gift us with time and space to listen for God’s voice. We can choose to consistently set aside time from daily tasks to re-center upon God. Prayer, scripture, sacred reading and silence can then begin to fill us. Such consecrated time teaches us to be hollow vessels which are empty enough to receive the Spirit’s guidance. If we are unused to hearing Christ in prayer and scripture and quiet—how will we ever discern his presence amidst life’s cacophony of voices and tasks?
An honest look at our calendars usually shows that we need to simplify our lives. We make this choice daily. We regularly need to clean house, throw open the windows of our schedules and let a Spirit-filled wind blow through. Our eyes then open to see the unnecessary clutter in our lives. Simplifying our lives clears empty space in each day so that we may listen for sacred voice.
Living simply brings what is most important in my life into sharp focus. When I empty my closet of everything I don’t need, there is clarity about the clothes I do need. They are visible and politely hang with space between them. As I clear my daily schedule and allow the chaff to be blown away, the remaining sparseness provides clarity about what is important. I gradually learn to empty myself of interior things such as my agenda, my need to control and my over-busyness. Emptied, I can finally listen to and sense the sacred in my life.
God’s presence in scripture and God’s presence as revealed in creation become more vibrant. Christ’s presence in others becomes discernable and changes how I respond to them. I am aware of the Spirit’s call upon my life through my passions and deep yearnings. I’m no longer distracted by a myriad of other human-made demands. My hearing is no longer deafened by noise or by voices that lure me away from the God-center of life. I can hear the still, small whisper of the Spirit.
If we choose, we can live life as an emptied cup. We can wait and listen to be filled with the sacred.